hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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