I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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