Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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