Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
false alarm, still single
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