Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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