so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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