even my farts smell like vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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