My girlfriend figured out who you are.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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