God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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