No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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