I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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