can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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