____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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