Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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