ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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