he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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