she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize