I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize