do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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