You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize