grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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