Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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