We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize