You're so nebulous sometimes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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