so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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