My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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