Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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