he told me I talked like a deaf person
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize