Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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