she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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