You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize