I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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