don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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