you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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