Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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