He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize