I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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