dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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