2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize