I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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