It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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