i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize