I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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