Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you.
Bad choice
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize