Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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