About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize