i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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