There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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