dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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