My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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